10.11.09
Anymore
Every time I make up my mind
About you, your ambiguous front
It’s almost as if you know, or can sense,
The finality here in my thoughts.
And so you change, just a little bit
Accommodation minor, the slightest realignment
That alters for a moment how I feel.
Because, dear, it’s only clear to me at night,
Sometimes you turn me off, way off and down
In the way (and the things) that you do,
But before I’m allowed to be over and through
You flip the switch, you reverse the game
And I don’t know what to think on this,
And I don’t know what to do anymore.
09.27.09
Pendulum
The pendulum swings, back – forth
Round in a circle it goes
Losing momentum but gaining in speed
Knowing that no one else knows.
Steadily, patiently, keeping the beat
For the heart that is beating no more
Steadily swinging, swinging, still swinging
An anchor to the anguish she bore.
***Wrote this a while ago, reread it, realized I never posted it, and so, here it is.***
09.15.09
Drowned Out
Too many to contend with
So many voices that aren’t mine
She says to shave it – there it goes
She says to cut it – yeah, it shows
Too busy trying to impress them all
You abandon all you came here for
And you don’t listen to what you want
The multitude is what determines you
Jealous – no, I may not be
But, over and over, I feel eclipsed
By this girl, and that girl, who have a say
In the way you live, and the way you are
While here I stand – bereft of peace
No hug to remember, no kiss to appease
My voice still unheard as you leave with another
A hole in my life where you left me.
***I have so many problems in my life don’t I? Lol. Oh well. Hope you enjoy the poetry nonetheless, and I sincerely hope you can’t relate. Comment as well, I’d love feedback.***
Restless Enough
Here comes fall,
And I think I’ve fallen
Over and over for you
But you make it hard
When you push me back
I don’t know what else to do
You don’t think you’re quite
Good enough for me
But the decision isn’t yours
Cause if I didn’t like you
Just the way that you are
Then we wouldn’t be in this mess.
09.09.09
Fickle Mind
Writing for the image of something to do,
Playing at appealing and plain.
Drop in the seat, and the world goes away,
Literally, not figuratively vain.
The shaded expanse of a wide, empty room
Is cooler by far than I thought –
Not like sleeping alone in a stuffy, small room
Where he wouldn’t have reason to stop.
Two-hour repose, and I’m awake but not open,
Closed off in a corner and waiting on Fate.
But the fickleness means that he never will come
When I’ve nothing to do, when I sit here and wait.
08.31.09
An Institution of Higher Learning
The open window fills the silence
In my quaint and cozy dorm
With rushing wind in sturdy leaves
An apt and fitting college home.
The sound of less than expert bands
Provide a rhythm to the tranquil
While my more than vocal classmates
Raise their voices down the hall.
The language here is never censored
(It’s not something I’d expect)
But the maturity is doubtful –
It’s like high school’s dull elect.
But not to seem too prejudiced
I feel that I must advocate:
They know the way to socialize
And are not shy to congregate.
The world I once was sheltered from
Which social ties kept far from reach
Surrounds – a rushing tidal wave
That seems quite eager now to teach.
One week has done, not very much
Yet lessons, multiple, abound.
If I was innocent before,
Then shudder for this world I’ve found.
***I figured, why not. I finished this one today, after starting it a week ago. Ta da! 
Transition to a new life, they say it’s always difficult. It’s not the routine for me, it’s the people. Hope you enjoyed. 
***
Awhirl
Fighting sleep, in the hidden chaos of life
With a wealth of words on the edge of my mind
Pulling my concentration, too restless for focus
Until I’m weary for searching the ethers of calm
I’m missing the point behind order and habit
Ritual falls to a method, an end
Futile and fatal, my mind’s in a haze
While lines etch more deeply beneath my bent eyes
And answers elude, while exhaustion deflates
Performing the “miracle” of rain without clouds
Casting off finery for the ragged filth substitute:
Tell me I’m wrong, trade this chaos for calm.
***Hark! A new poem! Hehehe. Not exactly cheerful, but sometimes life isn’t that way. Hope you enjoyed. 
***
